A good week

It's been a week since my Hell Week. I survived (as you could tell from Friday's post), but so many things have happened:

• we had Fall "Study" Break. This basically meant that all students had a 4 day weekend that we were supposed to use to study. I decided studying was pretty analogous to knitting baby hats, so that's what I did most of the time. Scratch that. All of the time. It was a super relaxing break, and I ended up ...
• baking. lots. Lots of things with pumpkin. My favorites were the baked pumpkin spice donut holes. They are were delicious.The pumpkin pie snickerdoodles were also really nice, but I just love donuts.
• I visited my mom's classroom. And there really is nothing better than having two dozen fourth and fifth graders think you're the most amazing person they've ever seen. It does wonders for a college student's self-esteem. Or anyone's, for that matter.
• picked up my Literary Theory paper (it was due last Tuesday). I was super nervous about it, since not only was it for a grade in the class, but my professor was also using it as a writing sample so that she could write me a recommendation for the Honors English program. She loved the paper. Her comments:

This is an astute commentary, bursting with smart comments about the issues raised by Propp's theory. You do a terrific job of laying out the principles before assessing their limitation, especially with respect to function. I'm impressed by your ability to survey the theory while pondering its implications without losing sight of your own position. A paper of very high quality and intelligence - this was a pleasure to read.

As you can probably tell, I am super super super excited. Not only was it a breath of fresh air grade-wise, but it was also really nice for her to say that she was impressed by my writing, since, honestly, she intimidates me. A lot.

•  took a Linear Algebra midterm. It wasn't as bad as I had thought that it might be.
• I think someone might like me. I don't want to jinx it, but I kinda like him back. He's really cute. And he keeps wanting to have meals with me, or hang out. Or just chat. It's lovely.
• received a grade for my Calc 3 midterm - passed the average. It was a very good way to end an already great Thursday.

Abby is coming tomorrow, which is always exciting. But it's even more so now, because I haven't seen her since school started (I don't really count Skype chats). It'll be great to be able to hug my "surprised ginger" and get coffee and chat and introduce her to friends.

After Abby comes, I'm getting coffee with friends to catch up on our lives. So much has happened since I've last had coffee with them, and it's just about time for us all to get back together.

Overall, it has been an amazing week (other than the sickness), and it's proving to be a wonderful weekend as well.

That's all for now. Going to take a shower and then head to bed. Because then it'll seem like Abby gets here sooner!

I hope y'alls weeks have been as wonderful as mine :)

Knitting Madness ... but Cute Madness

So I admit it: for the past two weeks, I've been addicted to knitting baby hats. No, there is no ulterior motives for me knitting baby hats, other than to be knitting them for charity (I'm a part of a group that now knits baby hats for a birthing center in a nearby town - we give them tiny hats to put on the baby's tiny heads to keep them warm).

So, anyways, I've finished seven hats in two weeks, and the eighth one is on the needles right now. If only I could figure out a way to knit and type at the same time .... ahh ... the productivity I'd have. I've posted pictures of most of the hats to Facebook (if you're friends with me, check them out - they are under the album "I'm Secretly an 80-year-old), but in case you're not, here are a couple of them:

See? They're adorable (or at least I think so).

So, back to the original point (or at least what I thought was the original point ... maybe not): I'm in my hometown for a couple of days (it's Fall Study Break, so we get a four day weekend to do whatever we want to ... except study) and I've decided that this is a baking and knitting kind of weekend. Really, though, what can you think of that's better than just curling up in front of a fire with knitting, a steaming mug of hot cocoa, maybe a baked pumpkin donut, and a cat by your feet?

Nothing, that's what.

But honestly though, this is the break I've been waiting for, and dreaming about. I can't wait to just relax all day tomorrow. Yes, I do have some homework I need to get done over the weekend (read a Shakespeare play, set up another blog, study for a linear algebra exam), but nothing that can't be done in the mornings. So that's what I'm going to do: wake up in the morning, do homework until lunchtime, and then after lunch, it's relaxation time. I can do whatever I want to, whether it's hanging out with friends, knitting, watching a movie, or maybe even all three at the same time! (Now that's what  I call multitasking!)

But, at the moment, I'm just knitting. And blogging. I just came back from my mom's room, where I was knitting and causing her to fall asleep (it's a little tradition of ours that the first night I'm back with her, we'll just sit and talk on her bed, and then when she gets tired, she'll go to sleep, and I'll just sit there and read, or, in tonight's case, knit). She wanted me to stay even longer, though, because I guess the sound of me knitting reminded her of when her mom knit.

It was touching, to be likened to my Gram. I still look up to her, even though she's not with us anymore. And I know that she'd love it that I was knitting these baby hats. She'd want to go and visit the babies, and hold one. Just one would be enough.

I wonder: is the reason I love knitting so much because I feel connected to Gram when I do? I've found myself wondering while knitting the hats "how many baby hats did Gram knit?" "did she ever stay up at night to finish a hat?" or "I wonder what she'd think now? I wonder if she'd like this pattern? Or this yarn?"

I miss you Gram. And I'm knitting this next baby hat for you. I hope you like it.

"To Err is Human ..."

Today I woke up and was sick. And not just a little "oh my nose is runny" kind of sick. This was a "it's 6:45 a.m., I went to bed 6 hours ago, and I'm drenched in sweat despite wearing summer pajamas and having the window open" sick. I lay in bed for another 45 minutes or so, then finally gave up on the belief that I would ever be able to go back to sleep. So instead I do the only thing I could think of, I got up, wandered into the hallway, and called Mom.

Yes, I am a soon-to-be 20 year old college student who lives away from home. But that doesn't mean I know exactly what medications to take when I wake up feeling like crap. Plus, I figured that my #1 choice at that moment (taking a vacuum to my nasal passages) wasn't exactly the best choice. So Mom helped. Tylenol every 4-6 hours. Take temperature before, and every hour after. Lots of liquids. And no classes.

When I was in middle and high school, I would never opt to stay at home if I was sick. I would stress out, and then the whole "stay calm and sleep" thing wouldn't work too well. But today was a day where I really just didn't care. Not at all. I have friends in all my classes, and told them I felt like crap. So they rose up o above and beyond the call of duty: taking notes (one girl even audio recorded the lecture), making sure I was okay, instructing me to drink lots and lots of fluids, and offering to get me food. It's times like these that I really realize how great all of my friends are.

I spent most of the day in my room, with the exception of going to drop off my application to the UM Honors English Program (please knock on every piece of wood in the room in which you are sitting and hope that I get in) and to go out to lunch with a friend. I took a nice, long, 2 1/2 hour nap during the afternoon, which revived what little energy I have. We went to dinner (it was Comfort Food Night - and boy did I need it), and now I'm just sitting in the Honors Commons for an Honors Peer Mentor study night that no one has come to. It's a blast.

But, the fun part is that I'm on my new (yes, new) laptop, named Isabella (no nickname). She's a beautiful Dell, and is wonderful. I have 84% of my battery remaining, and she'll last me another 5 hours and 15 minutes. It's quite wonderful.

In case you hadn't suspected, Winifred died. She was old (for an HP), and she had a nasty Trojan which kept pulling the Trojan Horse trick on her. She wasn't very bright. So, during the weekend, she died. Well, kind of. She now can turn on, which is somewhat strange, but she's still very unreliable. So I prefer to use Isabella.

This week has been my Hell Week: something due every day, and three things due on Friday. It was not a good time for Winifred to die. But things have worked out: my mom drove out her laptop on Sunday for me to use until my dad and I could agree on a laptop. Tuesday, I went to the UM Computer Showcase and got the laptop (in and out in under 15 minutes ... it was wonderful), and I had a friend look through everything and make sure she would run properly. All I have left to do is move all of my iTunes music onto Isabella, and then she'll be complete!!

I guess I should get back to my Shakespeare essay, whose title (a stroke of genius on my part, I must admit) is "To Err is Human; Don Pedro is Divine." I'm writing about Don Pedro (no, really?) in Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing. It'll be interesting. It's due on Friday and I have less than a page written (it's a 5-7 page paper). But at least I have an outline!

Only 35 minutes until I can go back to my room, take a shower, and sleep. I'm counting the minutes ......

Day ? - A rant

Sorry I haven't posted in a while - I've still been writing on my Tumblr, but with school starting and all, it's been hard to find a time that shouldn't be devoted to homework (in fact, I should be working on a commentary essay on Vladimir Propp ...).

But here's something that's on my mind, that isn't appropriate for Facebook, and part of me wishes the recipient of the letter will read it.

Dear Becky,

I have never really liked you. Honest and truly. I accepted you because Rob loved liked you, but I'll tell it to you now: no one else in my family could stand you.

You don't deserve him. He's an amazing guy, an amazing boyfriend, and deos all he can for you. For everyone. And maybe that's his downfall. He tries too hard to please everyone - but sometimes he does have to take care of himself.

You say he puts "everything else before you." Bullshit. He bends over backwards for you. He's left his family for you, when you throw a hissy fit and want him back in Ann Arbor. I'm sorry that he left this weekend when you didn't allow for it. But he's going to see our father. I apologize that that doesn't fit into your plans. I'm sorry that our family situation is like this. But you don't have to live it. You don't have to hop on a plane to see your parent, or try to manage travelling and schoolwork.

I'm sorry you don't like Michigan. I'm sorry you'd rather bake all day, every day. But unfortunately, the world just isn't like that. You can't just bake cupcakes for a living. Some people actually want to do something with their life. And Rob happens to be one of those people. He needs to do well in his classes, and if that mean studying instead of hanging out with you, you should be supportive.

He supports you. He buys you baking supplies, and encourages you to do what you want to. The least you can do is treat him with respect. I know you have your fair share of problems: I've read your Tumblr/Blog before. I know you have issues and don't want to feel like he leaves you. But missing plans or doing other things doesn't mean he's going to leave you forever. Flying for a weekend doesn't mean you'll never see him again. Good lord, he went to fucking England with you this summer. Doesn't that mean anything to you?!

Rob is a good guy. He's my brother, and I love him. I want what's best for him, and sorry honey, you ain't it. Go ahead and bitch on Facebook when he can't defend himself. Because i know you wouldn't have the guts to do it if he was able to respond. It's taking all of me to not comment on your message and call you a bitch. So instead, I'll do it here.

You're a bitch. And I hate you. More so than anyone else on the planet. Because you hurt my brother. And no matter how much right you think you have to do that, you don't. No one does.

You're a bitch. And I pity you. Because you don't realize how much you have fucked up. And you really don't know how much you're going to regret this. But I pray to God you two don't get back together. Because he deserves better than you.

Honestly? He deserves Raleigh. And I hope that's a smack in the face for you.

Claire

P.S. That was classy to delete the two comments on your changed relationship status that portray you as a bitch and someone calling you out on it. I'm glad someone put you in your place.

Day 259 - Learning my A, B, C's.

A
is for Anna. I wrote her a letter yesterday, but today is her birthday, and I really hope she had a great one. Though I know she had lots of class today, and then challenges for her band performance, and her sister went to the hospital, I hope we made it a memorable birthday.

Sometimes I worry about my ginger friend. She's cheery on the outside, but I know she has insecurities, and I just wish I could do something for her, to make her see how wonderful she really is. The letter was one thing, but I want to do something more. I mean, look at her: she's gorgeous, and seems happy. I want to see that beautiful smile more often.

B
is for birthday bash: We went out to dinner to a wonderful restaurant (it's called Sava's, for whoever is in the Ann Arbor area, I thoroughly suggest it).And then went to get milkshakes at Potbelly's. Yummmm. Then we came back to the dorm for presents and other shenanigans. And photos. Always lots of photos. Some of my favorites from the night:

 Brighid couldn't open the Nyquil. Anna took it as a photo opportunity.

 Roommate picture. Anna and Brighid: a.k.a. the Birthday Girls

 Julia and Anna look at the gift: dinosaur cupcake molds!

 The requisite "family" photo.

Julia and I matched. Unintentionally.

C

is for country music. I got a lot from Nicolette earlier, and have been listening to it non-stop. As in, I have my iPod tuned to the country genre and it's just going on shuffle. On a continuous loop.

I love country music, can you tell?

I also love my friends.

Oh so very much.

Day 258 - A letter to someone who needs it.

Dear Anna,

Yes, this is to you. It's to the petite ginger girl who is currently sitting on my futon working on French homework. It's to the girl with the pink pen and her feet in fourth position, with the cozy sweatshirt and the heart that is filled with gold.

Tomorrow is your birthday. And I read your posts on Tumblr. All of them. And I must say, my dear, that I'm worried about you. I'm worried that you don't realize how truly wonderful you really are, and how lucky we all are to be able to call you a friend. I'm especially lucky to be able to call your a best friend.

Sometimes I don't think you see yourself clearly at all. You are talented: you are a flag girl with ambition and enthusiasm. You're smart: eighteen credits, Bio, P-Chem, French. You're a wonderful friend: giving hugs, giggling, and making time for everyone when they need it. You're a wonderful sister: making sure your siblings are doing okay, and having fun when all of you need it. You are a wonderful person, Anna. And I really wish you could see yourself from my point of view. You'd be amazed.

For your birthday, I want you to be happy. Truly happy. Happy with a capital H. The kind when you smile for no reason, and walk on air. I only wish that this gift could be wrapped in a box with a pretty pink bow. But you know what else I want for you? I want you to have a day without worries, or fears. One where you can see how much of an amazing person you are, and one where all of the self-doubts and second guessings just fly away into the setting sun, never to be seen again.

That's my wish for you. And as you enter another year of your life, I hope that you'll continue your search for happiness.

And Anna? I want you to find your destination. And I want you to send me a postcard when you get there, wherever it may be, because no matter what, it'll be the best place on earth.

You are an amazing and beautiful person, Anna, both inside and out.

Lots of love,
Claire

Day 256 - Hello there

Hey you,

I like you.

There, I said it.

Too bad it's not in person, and too bad I probably won't ever say this in person.

We have two classes together this year, and I must admit, I look forward to both of them eversomuch, not because I love the subjects, but because you make them fun. We have side conversations, and crack jokes. Make plans, talk about clubs, classes, weekends, and life.

It's so easy to be around you. And it feels so natural. When we're walking from one class to the next, I smile whenever you get excited over something, like what you did at work the other day, or the exciting plans you have for the weekend.

I also must admit, my heart sped up when you grabbed my shoulders with enthusiasm, and when you lightly touched my arm to get me to slow down from leaving class. I like the way you always want me to help you with homework, when there are at least four other people at the table who are easily as capable. But you know I'll come.

I'm sorry this is disjoint, and I really hope you don't see this. But I just thought I should put it out there. And since I'm definitely not going to say this to you in real life, at least I can know that it's not just inside me. I wish you could just intuitively know this, and let me know how you feel too. Maybe not outright, but in some way. Something that will show me that I'm not falling for someone who has other girls always on his mind, like I did last year. Something that will show me (or not show me) if you feel the same way.

It's okay if you don't. I've dealt with that before. But the curiosity really is killing me.

C