Day 31 - Your Favorite Song

A new month, a new 30 day challenge. Well, I know that it's not the end of January, but it's close enough. So here begins the month of songs: for 30 days I'll try to pick a song that fits the category best. And I'll try to include a YouTube video (sometimes all I'll want you to do is listen to it, if you want to, instead of watch the video ... depending on whether there's a decent video to go with the song).

I went on my iTunes and picked a couple of songs that are my favorites right now: Brad Paisley's "Mud on the Tires," John Mayer's "Free Fallin'," and a couple of others. But I saw this at the top of my "most played" sorting, and I knew that this has got to be the song that fits the category. It may be a Christmas song, and it may not be one of John Groban's most famous songs, but it's perfect. Just listen to the lyrics.

Whenever I'm in a bad mood, Groban can cheer me up. Not only because of his amazingly soothing voice, but also because he gives me hope. There are the days where I forget to look around the world, and see past my own thoughts and troubles. I know I need to get out of my own little world and look around to see that everyone has problems too. This song helps me. It laments with me and my troubles, but gently reminds me that there are worse things in life.

After all, "It's up to us to be the change. And even though we all can still do more, there's so much to be thankful for."

What am I thankful for? Lots of things. For my family, and friends. And the ability to go to college and get an amazing education. For being loved, and being able to love. For having food, and clothes, and a bed to sleep in. And right now, I'm also thankful for this song.

Day 30 - Your Reflection in the Mirror

Dear me,

You have your flaws. Your dark secrets and your unspeakable fears. You have your off moods, and days where it seems like nothing goes right. You have your procrastination methods, and are sometimes quick to get irritated. You have your ups, and your downs, and your all-arounds. You have the running-around-like-a-chicken-with-its-head-cut-off moments, as well as "I really should be doing something, but let's just go on Facebook instead" moments. You can make rash decisions, and have many regrets.

But you also are quick to laugh, and crack corny jokes. You love snow, and winter, and water. You know mathematical proofs and English literature, along with the Swedish national anthem and all of the verses to Amazing Grace. You have sweaters that feel like hugs, and pass those hugs along to those who need them. You love learning, and are learning to love. You appreciate what you have been given, and try to give to others who may not be as lucky as you are, whether it be in emotional or material ways. You have dreams and ambitions, and strive to reach them. To top it all off, you have the best family and friends a person could ask for, who support you in your endeavors, whether they be small or large, and who are there for you even in what seems like the darkest hour.

You may not be perfect, and some days you may look in that mirror and hate what you see. But you are beautiful. And, most importantly, you are what makes me ... well ... me.

Love always.

(p.s. I made it. 30 days. Every post. And it certainly doesn't seem like that long!! Only 335 more days)

Day 29 - The person you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to

Hey you.

I wish I could tell you everything: my biggest fears, my true feelings, my constant worries, my overwhelming thoughts and dreams, my ins and outs, my flaws, my self-conscious parts, my every thought about you, and how much I really care.

I want to. So so much. But something prevents me. Perhaps it's worry, perhaps it's trust. Perhaps it's my trepidations to give you every part of me and expect not to be broken. Or perhaps it's just me.

Sometimes the words are on the tip of my tongue - the whole dam of everything I want to tell you is trying to burst out. But my tongue and brain are the strongest levees. And they are sometimes my worst enemies.

I want you to know everything, but I can't let you bear all of that, nor can I let myself unleash it all and then deal with the afterthoughts: the guilt of putting all of that on your shoulders, the worries of being hurt, the fear of you knowing everything and changing your opinion of me.

Maybe you'll learn some of the things I want to tell you. Eventually. But until the mountain of words can crush my iron-clad tongue and brain, I hope you will just be there, and know that I want nothing more than for you to know me. The whole me.

I want to tell you.
But I can't.
I'm sorry.

Day 28 - Someone that changed your life

There are a ton of people who this could go out to - I'm truly not exaggerating when I say that everyone that I come in contact with changes my life, even if it is just for a moment. And there are a lot of people who I would love to write this letter to. If I could, I would write to each and every one of them, and maybe I will by the end of this year. Quite frankly, I'm still debating who to write this letter to even as I type this sentence. And this one. And even this one. It's not an easy decision. But here it goes ....

Hey Rob,

I know you've already gotten a letter (Day 4 maybe?) but I think you deserve another one. How have you changed my life? It's impossible to list all of the ways, but let me try and express some of them.

Well, first off, you're my brother. So it's no wonder that you have changed my life. We've only kind of, sort of grown up together. I remember the little things from growing up, the lemonade stands out by the curb (free ice!!), the Flintstone cars, and the Klutz family adventures.

You've changed my views of dedication - even when swimming meant getting up at 4:15 a.m., or giving up Christmas break, or long days and hair that resembled the mange, you didn't give up. It seemed like whenever you couldn't swim, you couldn't wait to get back to it. Watching you swim for so long not only allowed me an outlet for cheering loudly, but also taught me to never give up. And even though you don't swim now, I still look to you for an example of dedication, a reminder to keep on going, even when the going is not so pleasant.

You've also taught me to let loose and be myself. I've broken out of my shell, and stepped outside my comfort zone, which is something that you aren't afraid to do. Your extroversion used to sometimes get on my nerves, I'm not going to lie, but especially in college, I've learned that extroversion is the only way to make new friends, and to be myself doing it. Your ability to make friends even on the shortest of trips has always impressed me, and someday I wish that I can do that: make bonds that are strong but not fake, lasting but not oppressing.

But despite all of these outside influences that you have, you still do what is best for you. Certainly, it seems as if you try to make other people proud, but ultimately, I know that your intentions are your own. You don't do things because someone you know wants you to - you do them because you want to.

Well, I know that I want you to know that you've changed my life. In so so many ways. But I like that - I like that a lot (even if I don't always show it).

Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Hey there,

I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name. We met at the UROP work-study information session, and again at the resume workshop. I remember you said that you commuted to your classes, and you were born in India.

I wish I could see you around campus, because it seemed as if in the two or three hours I knew you, we really hit it off. But unfortunately, I don't think that I could pick you out of a crowd now.

You won't see this, and I'm fairly certain that you don't remember me. I have a good memory for random people, and I've learned that a lot of people don't share that gift. But sometimes that gift is a curse, because I remember the really nice people that I want to get to know, but can't, because we were thrown together by pure chance.

Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to

Dear Becky,

I promised you that I would go to a Delt party if my friends left by 11:30. I didn't go. Partly because I didn't want to, partly because you were so insistent, and partly because my friends didn't leave.

I had told you that I wouldn't prolong the visit, but that I also wouldn't push my friends out the door. And truthfully, I lied. We chatted for a long while, but I still don't think that I deliberately prolonged the visit. It was more like I hadn't seen either of them in months, and we had a lot to catch up on.

You were so insistent on me going to the party, and I must ask, why? There have been DTD parties in the past that you haven't pushed me to come to, so why now? I guess that is what I don't understand ...

I don't really have issues with frat parties. But not on Friday nights ... the weeks are long, and especially after a hockey game, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep until the next morning. The least appealing option is to have a long day, then go to a hockey game, then deal with drunk people, and then finally go back to my dorm to sleep, and not be productive the next day.

I can't afford to waste that time right now. It's fine if you do. It's fine if everyone else does. But I just couldn't go. And I'm sorry I didn't fulfill the pinky promise.

Day 25 - The person you know that is going through bad times

Hey love,

You may think that the world is all bad, and that no one will stand behind you. But please don't think that, because it's not true. I'll be here. Whenever and wherever you need me.

Though I know the distance isn't the greatest thing in the world, don't let it get in the way and believe that you can't come to me. If you ever need me, my phone is always on, and my car keys are only a couple of minutes away (if I'm not in my room already).

You've gone through a lot. Too much for me to fathom, and too much that is fair for someone to go through. We both know that life isn't fair. But just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a run for its money ... fight until the finish.

And know that I'll be fighting right alongside you.