Day 86 - Your fears

I'm scared of ladybugs. They're cute and supposedly harmless. But they still freak me out.

I'm scared of failing. I'm sure everyone has felt this fear at least once in their life. I'm scared that I won't be good enough, or that, even worse, I'll just be "okay." I'll be lost in the pack of everyone and no one will be able to find me, not even myself.

I'm scared that I'll lose the people I love most in life. Not by death, but just by drifting away. I think that losing someone to time is worse than losing them to death: at least with death you know that they're in one place, and that everyone lost them too. But if you lose a friend by drifting away? You know they're still there, but they just don't want to see or talk to you.

I'm afraid of public speaking. It may come as a surprise, but I hate getting up in front of people and speaking, especially if it's only me. I can tolerate it if I have time to prepare, but impromptu presentations? Ohh no. I can barely keep from trembling all over.

I'm afraid of being forgotten. It kind of rolls a lot of the previous fears into one ball: I'm afraid that I'll only be mediocre at what I do, and that I won't do anything spectacular enough to keep the people I love the most close to me. I'm afraid that I'll let them down, and that they won't be proud.

But my biggest fear? I'm afraid of not being me.