Day 90 - One last moment

With everything that's happening to the high-schoolers right now, I thought this might be relevant.

It was April 1st, 2009. I remember it being a Thursday, and at 5:00, I was going to learn my fate. I was going to learn whether I had gained admission to my last two colleges: Yale and Brown. All throughout high school, I had heard "You're going to go to an Ivy League school," "Harvard would be lucky to have you," and "You'll get in to any college you want."

Part of me thought I was a shoe-in. After all, who could have done more? I was in 6 clubs, had done tons of community service, been published in the literary magazine, was of amazing academic standing, and seemed like a well-rounded, yet focused, student. But, as the time drew near, I started to doubt myself.

I was at University of Michigan-Dearborn, waiting for my organic chemistry lecture to begin. I pulled up Yale first, then Brown. Both gave me bad news. So what did I do?

I sat there. Just sat at the table that was in the chemistry building. Refreshing the screen, believing that the words on the page would change, if only I pressed the refresh button enough times. I couldn't believe it .... I mean, I was me .... this was what everyone had said my fate was. I had been voted Hardest Working in my senior class, and was runner-up to Most Likely to Succeed .... second only to our senior class president. How could they do this? How could they not say yes?

After a while, I came to. I came back into reality, shut my laptop, and realized that the words would never change. It was then that it hit me ... and hit me hard. I called my mom, and cried. Bawled. And once I got off the phone with her, I called my best friend. Still upset, and still believing that I was a good-for-nothing piece of flesh. Never mind that I was graduating at the top of my class, and was at that moment taking college courses. None of that mattered, because I wasn't going to be living in Providence, or New Haven.

With those tears came everything: my dreams, my frustrations, my insecurities, and all of the promises I had heard. Out came my motivation to build up my resume, and my motivation to continue striving to be the best. In those moments, I came undone. But slowly, I was able to bring myself together.

Part of what helped was my best friend: he comforted me, and made me see sense. All was not for nothing, he said, because if I hadn't pushed myself, I wouldn't have even been able to apply. And I had other options - still great options, even better options in some aspects. I would be able to stay near some of my family, or branch out to a smaller school that would help.

Another thing that kept me going was a text. It was from my mom, and said simply:

Honey, you're better than Ivy. You're in a class of your own.

And you know what? I am. I've been able to spread my wings and fly here. I'm able to be myself, and make a new me, while still having a slice of home. I've been able to make a name for myself, and be challenged, but not be fighting for my life, or for my grade.

I'm better than Ivy. But I'm perfect for Maize & Blue.